Introduction: Understanding the Depth of Grief
Grief is one of the most profound experiences we face as human beings. The loss of someone we love deeply can feel overwhelming, almost suffocating. This post is a personal reflection on how to deal with grief and how the power of thought can help us find comfort after loss. I recently went through this with the passing of my dad, and the intensity of the grief was unlike anything I had ever felt before. This post explores the complex emotions of grief and how reframing our thoughts can transform the pain into a reflection of the deep love we hold for those who have passed on.
The Weight of Loss: A Personal Reflection
Sitting in my dad's house for the first time without him, I was surrounded by his things—each item a reminder of his presence, as if he were about to return. "Oh dad, why did you have to go?"
This experience is something many of us can relate to—those moments when the reality of loss becomes almost tangible, when the pain seems unbearable. But as I sat there, lost in my grief, I recalled something my coach and mentor, David Key, shared with me. While I can't remember the exact wording, the essence of it was this: "Is grief not just love but in a different form?"
Does the pain we feel in grief really need to be thought of as something bad? The feeling in our hearts when we lose someone close— perhaps a reflection of pure love, rather than just pain and suffering?
Reframing Grief: The Power of Thought
This perspective led me to question the nature of grief. Was the intense emotion I felt just pain, or was it also a manifestation of the deep love I had for my dad? Could it be that this overwhelming feeling was not merely suffering, but a profound reflection of the connection we shared—a connection that doesn’t simply vanish when someone passes away?
The power of thought plays a significant role in how we deal with grief and how we interpret grief. Our thoughts shape our reality—they influence how we experience and move through our grief. When we allow ourselves to see grief not just as pain, but as love in another form, we begin to shift our experience. We start to see the tears as a testament to the bond we had, the memories as a celebration of a life well-lived, and the moments of sorrow as opportunities to honor that love.
The Dash Between Birth and Death: What Truly Matters
Reflecting on my dad's life and writing my reading for his service, I began to think about how we often focus on the dates: birth and death. We engrave these dates in stone, mention them in speeches, and some of us even tattoo them on our skin. But what truly matters isn’t the beginning or the end; it’s the dash in between. It’s those years filled with memories, love, and the moments that made him who he was.
A verse that has always resonated with me says:
"That is a journey we all must take,
And each must go alone,
It's all part of the master plan,
A step on the road to home."
This verse, along with the famous "Dash Poem," emphasises the importance of the time spent between birth and death.
The dash—those moments between birth and death—is where the essence of our lives resides. It’s where we find the memories that make us smile, the lessons that shape who we are, and the love that sustains us even in times of sorrow.
"For that dash represents all the time they spent alive on earth
and now only those who loved them know what that little line is worth.
For it matters not, how much we own, the cars…the house…the flash.Â
What matters is how we lived and loved and how we spend our dash.
So, think about this long and hard; are there things you’d like to change?Â
For you never know how much time is left that still can be rearranged.
To be less quick to anger and show appreciation more
and love the people in our lives like we’ve never loved before."
Signs of Comfort: Finding Peace After Loss
In the days following his passing, I’ve found comfort in small signs that I believe are his way of telling me he’s still here, watching over me. These little moments—finding a feather, seeing a rainbow, or spotting a robin—bring me a sense of peace. They remind me that even though he’s no longer here physically, his presence remains. And in that presence, I find comfort.
One of the most poignant reminders came from a poem that was part of my reading at my dad's funeral:
I left you a little white feather,
I placed it right there in your way.
I wrapped it in love with a message,
to let you know you’ll be okay."
These signs, like the feather from the poem, are gentle reminders that while the pain of loss is real, it’s also a reflection of the deep, enduring love that continues to connect us.
The Role of Thought in the Grieving Process
The way we choose to interpret and process our grief is influenced by the power of our thoughts. Grief, in this light, becomes not just a burden to carry, but a way to keep our loved ones close. It becomes a bridge between the past and the present, allowing us to carry forward the lessons, love, and memories that shaped us. This shift in perspective doesn’t erase the pain, but it does transform it into something that can bring healing and growth.
When we think about grief in this way, we recognise that it’s a process—one that’s deeply personal and different for everyone. But within that process, there’s a constant: the love that underlies all the pain. That love is what gives us the strength to keep going, to find meaning in the midst of loss, and to eventually come to a place of peace.
Moving Forward: Embracing Grief as a Reflection of Love
So if you’re grieving, know that it’s okay to feel the pain. But also know that within that pain is the proof of how deeply you loved and were loved. It’s a sign that their dash—their life—meant something profound. And as you move through your grief, remember that your thoughts have the power to shape your journey. By focusing on the love that remains, you can find comfort, healing, and the strength to carry on.
In this way, grief becomes not just an end, but a continuation—a way to keep the love alive, to honor the life that was lived, and to find peace in the knowledge that those we’ve lost are never truly gone. They live on in our hearts, in our memories, and in the thoughts that guide us through the days ahead.
Conclusion: How to Deal With Grief
Grief is a journey that we all must take at some point, and it’s one that is deeply personal. But within that journey, there is an opportunity to find comfort in the love that remains. By shifting our perspective and recognising that grief is a reflection of the deep connections we’ve had, we can begin to heal.
At Saturn Therapies, we believe in the power of thought to transform our experiences, and we’re here to support you through your journey of grief and healing.
We are offering a free course to help you process and understand your emotions Navigating Grief – A Journey to Healing and How to Deal with Grief Through Reflection
Frequently Asked Questions
1. How to deal with grief when the pain feels overwhelming?
Grief can feel all-consuming, but it's important to remember that the intensity of your feelings is a testament to the deep love you had for the person you've lost. By allowing yourself to fully experience these emotions, you honour the bond you shared. Over time, as you continue to acknowledge and explore your feelings, you may find that the pain begins to transform into a quieter, enduring love that brings comfort rather than sorrow.
2. Is it normal to feel guilty about finding moments of peace after a loss?
Yes, it’s completely normal. Finding peace does not mean you are forgetting or dishonouring your loved one. Instead, it’s a sign that you are beginning to process your grief and make space for healing. Allowing yourself moments of peace and even joy can be part of the natural ebb and flow of your emotions during this time.
3. Why do small signs or reminders bring comfort during grief?
These small signs—whether it’s a feather, a rainbow, or a familiar smell—can feel like messages from your loved one, reminding you that their presence is still with you in some way. These moments of connection can provide reassurance and help you feel supported, even in their absence. Trusting in these signs can be a way to maintain a sense of closeness and continuity.
4. How can I start to move forward when I feel stuck in my grief?
Moving forward doesn’t mean leaving your grief behind; it means learning to carry it differently. Begin by acknowledging your feelings without judgment. Understanding that your thoughts and emotions are part of a natural process can help you navigate them with more compassion for yourself. Gradually, you may find ways to honour your loved one’s memory while also making space for new experiences and growth.
5. Is it okay to feel a mix of emotions, like relief and sadness, after losing someone?
Absolutely. Grief is complex, and it’s normal to experience a wide range of emotions, sometimes all at once. Feeling relief, especially if your loved one was suffering, is a natural response. It doesn’t diminish the love you had for them; instead, it reflects the compassion you feel. Allow yourself to experience all your emotions without guilt—they are all valid parts of your journey.
6. How can I support someone else who is grieving?
The best way to support someone in grief is to simply be there for them—listen without trying to fix their pain, offer your presence, and allow them to express their emotions freely. Sometimes, just knowing they are not alone can make a significant difference. Gentle reminders that their feelings are normal and that it’s okay to grieve in their own way can be very comforting.
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